If you know someone in a domestic violence relationship it can be hard to understand why the person won’t simply leave. But many times a successful break requires much more support than any one person, even a lawyer, can provide. Instead, it takes a team.
Where to Go
If a person is ready to walk away from a long-term abusive relationship he or she is probably also walking away from home. Before the person is ready to make the leap he or she needs to know there is somewhere safe to go.
The Lawyer’s Role: A lawyer can help an abuse victim file for a personal protection order or a “Motion for Exclusive Occupancy” in the course of a divorce. Either of these can prevent the abuser from coming back to the home, but they take time to file, enter, and serve.
Who Else Can Help: Domestic abuse shelters like HAVEN in Oakland County can provide short-term housing while a family lawyer gets the orders in place. Supportive friends can also provide a safe place to stay, but they have to be willing to protect the victim’s privacy.
What If It Gets Worse
Unfortunately, when a domestic violence victim gets up the courage to break free from the relationship, the situation often gets worse. When the abuser starts to lose control he or she will often strike out to keep it.
The Lawyer’s Role: A good divorce lawyer will know the risks and will work with the client to create a safety plan before the documents are served. The attorney can also file for an Ex-Parte (one-sided) Personal Protection Order to get protections in place without a hearing.
Who Else Can Help: It is important that the police be informed when the service of process will occur. That way they can be on alert if the abuser decides to take it out on the victim. The victim’s support network – friends and family – should also be with the victim when the service happens. He or she should not be alone for a few days afterwards.
What About the Kids
Where there are children in an abusive household, it can make things far more complicated. This is where the team really has to come together.
The Lawyer’s Role: When the attorney files the initial complaint he or she should also seek a temporary child custody and parenting time order that protects the children from the abusive parent.
Who Else Can Help: Once the order is in place it should be provided to schools, doctors, teachers, and anyone else that the abuser may try to contact to get control of the children. A court advocate can help coordinate the efforts and keep the children safe.
Domestic violence is a serious issue with potentially life changing consequences. Extracting a victim from that kind of relationship should be done carefully and with the right team of support specialists in place to protect his or her safety and privacy throughout the whole process.
Lisa J. Schmidt is a family lawyer with Schmidt Law Services, PLLC, in Ferndale, Michigan. She is a volunteer attorney with the Family Law Assistance Program where she helps the victims of domestic violence get protection against their abusive partners. If you know someone ready to end an abusive relationship, contact Schmidt Law Services today for a consultation.
